Say Cheese: 8 Selfies You Hate To Admit You’ve Taken

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Ahh, Selfies. You know your country is going somewhere when the term “Selfie” actually gets added to the Dictionary. The term taken from the Oxford Dictionary defines a Selfie as: “A photograph that one has taken of oneself, typically one taken with a smartphone or webcam and shared via social media.”

Well, we could have told you that. Since the explosion of social media, the Selfies have gotten more and more complex as people continue to up their photo-taking skills. From tones, to filters, to adjustments, we have the editing skills of a professional photographer at our fingertips, and taking a photo of ourselves has never been easier. I’m not even sure it’s possible to go one day without seeing some variation of a Selfie as they flood Instagram and Twitter feeds, and if we did go a day without seeing one, it would obviously be the first sign of the apocalypse

Now that most of us have smartphones, taking pictures of ourselves only seems necessary, and each Selfie could actually be divided up into its own popular category. To state it plainly, it seems as though we’re all pretty much taking the same pictures at the same places, with only a slight variation. Whether you’re at the gym, or at the club, here are some of the most widely used Selfies you probably love, hate, and (let’s be honest), have probably taken yourself.

The Gym Selfie
Whether you’re flexing your guns in the mirror after a difficult set, setting your phone to self-timer so it can capture a perfect squat, or trying your best to look cute but also slightly sweaty in your matching tank top and shorts, the Gym Selfie is increasingly popular among social media forums. Let’s be honest – if you didn’t take a picture of yourself while you’re at the gym, did you even go? Not only does it document the fact that you’re still willing to get a work out in even after you’ve eaten 3 burritos from Chipotle, but it also gives you the chance to show off those arm muscles in your cutoff ‘Suns Out, Guns Out’ t-shirt, or your ‘Eat Clean, Train Dirty’ tank-top you created on CafePress. What better time to show off those gluts than in the mirror at Planet Fitness? Now, flex.

The ‘Parked Car’ Selfie
“Ho-hum, I have nothing to do and I’m just sitting in my car waiting for my friend/wasting time before I have to grocery shop/prolonging going into work, so why not snap a quick photo of myself looking cute in this furry North Face jacket?” Though it varies throughout social media platforms, the Car Selfie is usually pretty popular. While many opt to snap their headshots while their car is parked, I’m willing to bet a few photos are taken while waiting at a red light, which also categorizes this as a “high-risk” Selfie. A red light usually lasts about 8 seconds so I guess in theory you have time, but if I see you taking a picture of yourself while driving and I’m in the car next to you I’m going to point and laugh soo…the choice is yours. I don’t condone it, however, if a Car Selfie is necessary only because the sun is setting and shining a beautiful light on your face that makes you look so angelic that you need to document it on your iPhone, I won’t judge you for pulling over.

The Sleepy Selfie
The Sleepy Selfie is often attempted and will usually flood your Instagram at night, also coming in different variations. Whether you decide to go forward with a sexy and not-so-appropriate negligee from Vickie’s for your prime shot, or you decide to take a more casual sweatpants and t-shirt approach, the Sleepy Selfie has probably been taken by all of us in one way or another. Also necessary in order to capture the perfect shot are the following: tired doe eyes, a small amount of lip gloss (that you will deny wearing if anyone comments on it), and slightly tousled hair. This Selfie is always taken either scandalously in bed or on the couch from a bird’s eye angle, and is usually captioned with something like “Long day, time to catch some ZzZzs”, accompanied with a sleepy-face emoji. Don’t even act like you’ve never done it.

The Holiday Selfie
Out of all Selfies, this one seems the most obligatory as it is usually one of the rare occasions where we get to dress to impress. Whether you’re wearing a sparkly skirt, a flirty shoulder-bearing Christmas sweater, or your new suede booties, a mirror pic displaying your entire outfit is required. Though it can sometimes be overwhelming, I guess I would have to nominate the Holiday Selfie for one of the least annoying photos to flood social media, solely because it turns all social media outlets into a Virtual Fashion Week and allows you to peep what everyone is wearing. Holiday Selfies also come in the form of “Ugly Sweater Selfies” which are unavoidable during this time of year. Accompanied with a glass of wine and a goofy look on your face, this photo opportunity only comes around once a year, so you might as well grin and bear it. Now, say cheese!

The Artsy Selfie
Change your photo setting to Sepia, put on an infinity scarf and your dark rimmed glasses, and whatever you do, do NOT look at the camera. The Artsy Selfie is often attempted for various reasons: perhaps we actually want to try our hand at being a professional photographer, so what better place to start than Instagram? Or, maybe we just want to see what the right side of our face looks like, so we set the phone to self-timer and have it snap 20 photo bursts of us looking off into the distance, pondering life itself. Whatever the reason, the Artsy Selfie is a difficult one to pull off, mostly because not everyone’s face is as aesthetically pleasing from the side, as it is from the front. Despite our best efforts, some of us attempt the Artsy Selfie, (and sometimes try and add more drama to our photo by holding a rose and smelling it with our eyes closed), but unfortunately the only emotion we seem to convey is utter confusion. At least we tried.

The Professional Selfie
The work Selfie is quite common, usually taken during the day, possibly at your desk, and next to the Holiday Selfie, is probably the next most tolerable Selfie of them all. Donning dress pants and a sweater, or a pencil skirt and a blouse, this Selfie is necessary only to prove to the world that you can be professional and still look cute while doing it. Often paired with a “#WorkFlow” caption, sometimes you just need to take a picture of yourself during your normal hours so people remember how great you look when you’re pulling off “Business Casual-Chic.” Now, get back to work.

The “Betch You Better Werk” Selfie
This Selfie is a Friday/Saturday night requirement. I mean, not everyone is going to see your outfit for the night so why not document your high heels and club dress for the world to see? In addition to a full length mirror shot, you get bonus points if you take the picture with a glass of wine/shot glass/red solo cup/bottle of Grey Goose and caption it with a Beyonce song lyric, as this just further proves the fact that you party, you drink, you dance, and damn it you look good while doing it.

The “Club Goin’ Up” Selfie
This Selfie will come directly after your “Betch You Better Werk” Selfie and will always take place in the club. For some reason, taking a Selfie after a couple Vodka-Cranberry shooters seems like the perfect thing to do, and it typically takes place with your friends in a really grimy bathroom, or even better, out in the middle of the dance floor. Most often the blurriness of this selfie parallels perfectly with the blurriness of your night out, and usually is combined with an “I don’t even remember taking this! #Latergram” caption. Also, instead of showing your pearly whites or a seductive half-smile like you do in all your other photos, you’ve opted to either imitate KISS with your tongue sticking out, or you’ve decided on the ever-popular “duck lips”. No matter your pose, this Selfie is unavoidable, especially when you’re out partying with a group of your friends.

Though there were only 8 listed, our social world is filled with various Selfies that come in all forms and prove one thing is quite certain: We really, really love taking pictures of ourselves. As an unashamed Selfie taker, I think it’s only normal, as we now live in a society where anything and everything can be documented for our own enjoyment. Whether its pictures of our food, our pets, our ourselves, the multi-faceted smartphones and apps like Instagram help us all become self-proclaimed photographers. Furthermore, even if you’re not posting them, I’m sure everyone has taken at least one Selfie in their life, if not for vain purposes than simply to see what our face really looks like from the view of someone else. If you’ve got enough self-confidence to take the next step and put that picture online, who am I to judge?

If you won’t admit that you’ve taken at least one of the above Selfies, can we at least all admit how freakishly horrifying it is when you open up your camera to snap a picture and it’s on front-facing view, giving you an awful close-up image of your double chin and nose hairs? Sometimes, the only way to eliminate that awful personal image is to take a pretty selfie, add a filter, and send it on its way. Keep snapping your photos people, you look great.

And while we’re being honest…let’s talk about how many Selfies you actually take and delete before you find the perfect shot…and how many times do you go back and forth between filters? Now, there’s a story.

2 thoughts on “Say Cheese: 8 Selfies You Hate To Admit You’ve Taken

  1. Kait

    In my group of friends there is also the Chin Selfie–aka bored at work so who can take the shot with the most double chins….We of course stick to snapchat for this one.

    Reply

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